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Vulnerability and Avoidance

Over one month ago, I announced my website launch on Facebook. I got so many messages of support and congratulations, it was amazing. I felt appreciated and seen.

And I felt vulnerable.

My writing style is open and often deeply personal. Now it was there for all to see - acquaintances, family members, friends. I’d only shared it on one platform (instagram is next) but I suddenly felt exposed.

So I stopped writing.

I told myself there wasn’t time to write. I was unable to find something meaningful to say, and didn’t think any of my experiences were valuable. I’d think of an idea, or experience to write about and my stomach would do summersaults before my mind would pull me away to other things.

I think we all feel like this sometimes. We could call it imposter syndrome, perfectionism or just plain procrastination. We put ourselves out there, we announce an achievement, or find the perfect job and get it - and then doubt creeps in. Fear that we fluked it, that compliments and well wishes aren’t genuine, that we or someone else will find out we’re not really up for the task.

“I am not enough”

….. Not good enough, not strong enough, not able enough.

As women, most of us can identify with this belief - I am not enough. It pursues us through television, social media, religion and relationships. It can be ingrained in our upbringing, or learned from our teachers. Our mothers, our sisters, our friends, our role models. It can be a cause for shame, for avoidance, for dishonesty. It can stop us in the tracks of our dreams, and make us question everything.

But is it true?

In feminine embodiment, we learn about opening up and experiencing our full range of senses, emotions and our whole reality. We dig deep to learn more and more about ourselves and when we’re ready, reveal more and more of who we are - when we want; how we want to and to whom we want.

This belief that “I am not enough” is a wake up call. It can be the key to figuring out what you want and desire. It can point you in the direction of skills you want to develop, self care you may need or confidence you need to build. It can show the perfectionist tendencies you want to let go of, or the over thinking that you’re susceptible to.

Even deeper - it can help us identify lessons long resisted, beliefs we need to question or experiences we need to release.

For me I was struggling with being good enough at coaching, good enough at writing. I wanted my blog and my site to be perfect, and when I went to write something for it, I wanted it to not be too vulnerable, or too messy or not perfect.

This belief reminded me, I didn’t set out to make something perfect. I set out to be vulnerable and visible, to learn, and to provide support to those with similar experiences to me. I set out to hopefully guide and teach others the skill set of feminine embodiment.

In recalling this lesson, recognizing this belief at play, and allowing myself to feel the doubt/fear/anxiety around being perfect - I found I could write again. I remembered my desire to share my experiences with the world and know that vulnerability and visibility are part of the journey, past the belief that “I am not enough” and into the next life lesson.

Cover Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

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