Last week I got really angry. Not just frustrated, sigh and type harder angry - but swearing, yelling, need to vent in a room to my colleague angry. At another colleague. It was unpleasant, un-fun and just all around ruined my day. If I had to breakdown my reaction and why I was so angry, I would tell you:
They were telling me I was doing a bad job
They had no right to tell me that
They was being a judgmental, unhelpful, type A b****
+ 100 other things that they did, why they weren't helpful and why I had a right to be angry
These are the thoughts that kept me angry. For the whole day. So that every other little frustration that came my way got me slightly more irritated. Slightly more upset. Slightly more attention as my exasperated sighs were heard the office over. So - taking stock for a second. A 15-20 minuter exchange with a colleague made me so angry that it ruined my day. I was even still thinking about it on Saturday and Sunday. Now, even I'm reading this and thinking - why did I let that happen. But sometimes we don't let it happen, sometimes we just don't know any other way to do it. Sometimes we're so caught up in the story, and our heads that we don't know how to just let it go.
It's those argument where we can't get out of our heads. We just keeping thinking over and over again:
But they said this and they were wrong
But they did this
But I don't want to be angry and it's not fair
I can't let it go cos then they win
I know that I get into these cycles more often than I'd like to admit. I know that we all can have moments where we just cannot walk away from that one fight. Those arguments where all we can hear is ourselves, our stories. The awakening moment for me today was that while this might seem like a tale of how angry I felt, it's actually a tale of how angry I thought. At least, thats my working theory.
They say that if you let yourself actually feel the emotion it passes quickly, but that's the hard thing. Actually FEELING the emotion. Getting out of our heads, getting out of thoughts/beliefs/stories/blame game - and just feeling. Sometimes it's that we're even fighting this feeling with 'but I don't want to be angry'.
So this is my new challenge for myself, when I get into one of those new situations, I'm going to try and remember to take a moment and accept that feeling, breath with it, invite it in and just see if dissipates.
I know from my coaching course on Embodiment with the amazing Jenna Ward and working with a Core Energetics practitioner for over a year - that feeling your feelings is key. However doing this in the heat of a fight is still something I need to work on. I'll keep you updated on how I go! I'm also curious to know what your strategies are for dealing with anger, walking away or not letting yourself get into that blame game. Reach out and let me know, or feel free to contact me if you want to know more about feeling your feelings!